IF YOU SUCK, AND YOU'VE SUCKED FOR OVER A YEAR, JUST STOP. PLEASE.

I'm sick of bad writers. Pick up a newspaper today and try reading some of the drivel. Forget the news stories. Newswriters are talentless hacks that just follow the reverse pyramid structure in each article to suck the readers in to looking for their by-line.

I'm talking mainly about the music writers. Actually, I'm talking about one in particular, here in the Vancouver area. I don't know who this bastard had to sleep with to get the position of music writer for The Province (an unholy peace of shit rag, just a tad more useless than The Sun).

Stuart Derdeyn is quite possibly the least informed music reporter in the world. I don't understand how someone can try to write critically about an act if they don't know the history or vision. The latest blunder this bonehead has made is to think that Queens of the Stone Age wants to be a stadium rock act. In the same paragraph he made the mistake of saying that their headlining show here earlier this year was hurt with the absence of Mark Lanegan and former member Nick Oliveri. The fact is that it was as good a rock show in a sit down venue that you will ever see. The true rockers didn't sit down all night.

Josh Homme doesn't give a shit about playing in arenas and never has. Rumours still circulate that the reason Kyuss was disbanded was because they were getting too popular and there were a lot of loser posers ending up at the show. I'll bet Derdeyn doesn't even know what the Desert Sessions are. And if you don't, then you just don't get rock & roll; go put back in your Nana Mouskouri tape.

Derdeyn's last line in a review of last night's Nine Inch Nails/QOTSA/DFA 1979 show was, "But if it [QOTSA] really plans on becoming a headlining stadium act, far more attention needs to be put into [sic] the production values that start a fire in a fans' bellies." Not only is that written in an extremely weak style, there are also spelling mistakes. Also, he didn't even mention DFA 1979; I'll bet he wasn't there.

Yeah, rock & roll needs more production. That's right. Uh huh, Avril Lavigne is rock & roll I guess.

Stuart Derdeyn, you suck more than all the vacuum cleaners in the world combined can suck. You could suck all the water in the world in to your fat head in one breath. Stop your writing. Please retire. But before you retire, maybe try getting educated on the music you write wrongly about. Then, once you're informed and retired, die.

*** I don't know the deal with the picture above. I Googled "bad writers" in Images and that's one of the first ones to pop up. Looks kind of nice. I hope it doesn't have anything to do with Nazism or animal cruelty.

IT WAS GLORIOUS. ABSOLUTELY GLORIOUS.

Last night Vancouver was host to one of the best live shows of the year. It will be hard to top the energy that was flowing through nearly everyone on the floor. How anyone could have sat back against the walls, or at tables is beyond me.

The New Pornographers brought the pop. They brought it hard.

The entire line up was in tact last night and Neko Case did not disappoint. Though she's only a voice on the stage she commands your attention. I think it's safe to say that once again she had everyone in the audience fall in love with her.

Having said that, make no bones about it, the porn hogs is a collective that is structured by A.C. Newman's vision with a little help from the one and only Dan Bejar (Bejarrrr!!!!!!!!!!). The band was in full on happy mode last night. There were no glitches of any kind that I could see. True to form the band kicked in to an (un)impromptu cover of some eighties song that I can't recall right now.

All I need to remember is losing myself in the music much like a hippie would at a Dead show. The melodies, riffs, sex, drugs and rock & roll will soothe my soul forever, and last night the porn hogs took my soul and did with it what they wanted. For that I have to thank them.

True to the Pitchforkmedia interview, just as A.C. said it would be, Bejar only sang for NP and did not take up his familiar acoustic guitar. But all was well as before the NP set Destroyer put on the liveliest show I've ever seen Bejar and co. put on. He was clearly in a good mood as he sang tracks of the early Destroyer albums as well as some new.

Also true to the Pitchfork interview, it was best Danny boy only sang for NP as he was clearly drunk off the beer and energy. I don't think I've ever seen/heard him speak so much on stage. At one point he even had to ask the other porn hogs, "What song are we doing again?" Ahhh, good times. Good times, indeed.

Needless to say, I went to sleep dreaming of Sea Monkey spoons.

MISTAKES HAPPEN, BUT WHY MUST IDIOCY PREVAIL? WHY?

The picture you see is not normal. It is not normal in the sense that the forward with the puck rarely finds himself in this position. Instead, he can usually be found flopping around, a little bit behind every other player on the ice, trying desperately to make a hit on an opposing player. Sorry, loser, the hockey you were bred in to is gone. We're back to actually playing the game and skating.

Players like he above grew up watching and playing a game that rewarded laziness and lack of skill. Thus, why offer this assinine fool good money. The joke, his name is Matt Cooke, thinks he's worth the kind of money the Sedin twins are. Yeah, right. Not even close. This brings us to another problem altogether in professional sports. The agent.

I guess it's somewhat of a rhetorical question, but are athletes really that stupid that they need someone to barter for them? The only player in the NHL, that I know of, that has the intelligence to see agents for the useless twats they are is the great Martin Brodeur. Why would you want to give 10% of your pay to someone who is directly jacking up prices surrounding sports?

Anyways, I just read the Canucks are close to signing Cooke to a three year deal. He sucks. He should be traded for some smokes and hash.

HAPPENSTANCE SOMETIMES JUST OCCURS



I've been grooving the last few days. I've been grooving hard. Much of that has to do with the recent release of Twin Cinema by The New Pornographers (pictured above minus Neko Case).

Today I got to grooving even still harder as I got some pretty decent funky news at work.

On top of this I've been cutting back on the angels' weed as a token of respect to my body. Anyways, I had run out of my stash so had to make a usual run downtown. Now keep in mind I've been grooving hard on the new NP album. As I get in my car to take off I see none other than A.C. Newman carrying two guitars down the street. I roll up to turn on to Hastings and who else do I see but John Collins and Dan Bejar. No doubt they're tuning up for Friday's show.

I pull up beside them, slide down the window and tell them I think the new album's great and that I can't wait for the show on Friday. Newman and Collins say thanks and nod and Bejar looks down, even more uncomfortable than every other time I've seen him. Nevertheless.

Tonight they are a Hindu trinity; though Bejar seems more like Kali really.

GET OUT OF THE WATER AND LEARN (THE BENEFITS OF pure OXYGEN)


As we watched the strong man run up the hill there were many tears. Someone asked me why I was crying. I told him because that man running reminded me of all the good I could do if I just tried a little harder.

Kalan Porter reminds me of a young Celine Dion.

Hater - The 2nd










Hater. That is the unfortunate name of, possibly, the best band to come out of the Seattle area after 1994. Also, unfortunately, it's hard to say whether or not they're really a band anymore. The good news is that a recording made around 1994 or 1995 has recently been released by Burn Burn Burn Records.

The core of Hater is Matt Cameron and Ben Sheperd, both formerly with Soundgarden. In Soundgarden Cameron played drums and Sheperd bass. In Hater Cameron is still on drums and Sheperd has gone back to guitar, which he played with bands before Soundgarden including Nirvana for a while some say (pre 90's). Cameron also does main vocals here on a track or two. Sheperd's got a good rough rock and roll style vocal. Kind of like P.W. Long (formerly of Mule) without so much soul and blues.

Other players include John McBain of Monster Magnet, Wellwater Conspiracy (probably an even better post '94 Seattle band, also with Matt Cameron [vocals/guitar]), Alan David, John Watermen, Brian Wood, Greg Keplinger and Bill Rieflin who played with Ministry, KMFDM, Pigface and others. I think all these guys also played in other bands, but I can't remember who in what.

It's pretty garage rock in terms of sound/recording quality; it is some sweet action rock & roll with great sounds and timing that is just good enough to keep it off the radio, also unfortunately because people should be supporting independant music. This album definitely shows who put the Sound in Soundgarden. Chris Cornell has gone on to show who put the garden in.

There's no Kim Thayil which is too bad because I like his Soundgarden songs quite a bit. Hater sounds like the best melodic and edgy parts of the former band (I think Thayil put the heavy in to it all). It's too bad they didn't take this group further because they could have made Sebadoh look like schoolboys. Of course, I loved Sebadoh and no one can touch Lou Barlow when it comes to the sad, boy so hurt songs; except Elliot Smith, but that ain't going to happen any time soon again.

Anyways, if you're looking to get something new, even though it's quite old it is still a new release, and I recommend getting Hater, The 2nd.

TIX




I've got my tickets to The New Pornographers at The Commodore September 23 and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! at Sonar October 2.

I'd suggest that you go do the same, however, you're likely too late. Suckers.

FIGHT

Tonight, for the first time in quite a while, I wanted to fight. Not physically; but, for a girl. It's the first time in a long time I've felt this way. So long that it feels foreign.

She seems to be a special girl, but I can't stand night clubs.

(in Kamloops)